Fight the New Drug

Fight the New Drug Video: My porn recovery story

***To see my featured talk "How Love Defeats Porn" given at the Catholic Information Center in Washington, D.C. click here. ***

Monday, July 22, 2013

Request for 100 Guys: 100 Reasons to Save Sex for Marriage

[This post was written in 2013.  It's time to bring the project back in 2016]
---

When I was in high school, my motivation to not have sex until I was married was summed down to five obscure ideas:

1.       My parents would kill me
2.       “The church says so”
3.       I don’t want to get anyone pregnant (for selfish reasons, like I want to go to college, not raise a child)
4.       STDs would be awful to get
5.       My parents would kill me

I believe most teens my age at the time had these obscure reasons to “motivate” us as well.  I didn’t have anyone telling me real reasons why I should wait and I definitely didn’t have any examples under the age of 45 to follow. 

So I didn’t wait.  Yes, I thought it was great at the time, yes, it did bother my conscience a little as I hid it from my parents and most everyone I knew, and yes, the most scared I have ever been in my life was when I thought I got someone pregnant. 

No one told me otherwise, and I definitely didn’t have any other examples to go by.
I would have continued this lifestyle into college had something profound not happened my freshman year: I met guys who cared about saving sex for marriage.
 
The timing of Freshman Retreat was, in hindsight, providential.  Weeks leading up to it, I had been talking to another girl, sensing/hoping that it was about to get physical soon.  I remember the Friday of the retreat I even told her, “So, maybe when I get back Sunday…want to hang out?”  I remember thinking something probably would have gone down.

The following Saturday at retreat, they separated the guys and the girls into separate chastity talks.  Chastity?  I literally hadn’t even heard of the word before that day.  We freshman sat on the floor, surrounded by upperclassmen guys who were helping lead the retreat.  Later in the talk an upperclassmen asked the other guys to stand up if they were waiting to have sex until they were married.  I expected maybe one or two of the 30-plus upperclassmen to stand up.  But they all rose.

These were guys that I had looked up to, thought were hilarious, were good looking, and guys I wanted to be like.  But they all rose.

That day, I decided I wanted to wait again to have sex until I was married.
------

I created this project in this book for many reasons, to be read by many, but mostly for those young guys out there who I suspect were a lot like my high school self.  We know “we’re not supposed to” but don’t really know why, and no one’s telling us otherwise, and it seems there are no other examples to go by.

With so many voices, cultural influences, and reasons that naturally tempt a guy towards sex, this book is a voice for the minority that hardly ever gets heard.  I want to give guys a chance to make a more informed decision, a chance I didn’t have.

This book has many reasons…

1.       It’s to show the world of young guys out there that there are men who care about waiting until marriage.
2.       It’s to show the world of young guys out there that there are men who not only care about waiting until marriage, but have done it and are happy about it (or wish they had).
3.       It’s to show that there are real positive reasons to save sex for marriage, real reasons from real guys.
4.       It’s to show the world of young women that there are men out there who care about saving sex for marriage, that they exist, and are worth waiting for.
5.       With the meaning of sex being divorced (pun intended) from marriage, this book will start to show the positive correlations between the value of waiting and what it can do for marriages.


The next 100 pages

The next 100 pages will highlight 100 guys, one page per guy who each give their answer to one question: 

How has waiting or not waiting to have sex until marriage had an impact on your life?

[Click here to go ahead and submit your answer!]

The common denominator among these men is that they all care.  They all care about the value of waiting to have sex before marriage.

How I know this project is from God:
About two months ago, this project was put on my heart while in adoration at my church, and I quickly wrote it down.  I wrote down, “Positive Reasons to Save Sex for Marriage”.  Next to it, I wrote a big round number---100. 

Sign #1: The next morning, my lovely fiancé surprised me with lunch she made for me with a note regarding that it’s 100 days until we get married.  I had no idea that was how many days we had left.   For even more relevance, I noted it would also be 100 days until we brought sex into our relationship. 

Sign #2: Later that morning I checked my e-mail and had two e-mails waiting in my inbox.  One was from a blogger who was informing me about the Top 100 Catholic blogs, and how the list is on his site.

Sign #3: The next e-mail was from a reader who has read one of my posts and was asking me many questions about the meaning of sex.  He wrote “[to say that] sex has to be for marriage or it’s a sin doesn’t explain anything, and it certainly doesn’t explain any goal to be striving forward . . . [are there] any books that relate to this?”


Dear reader, this book will be it.  

------

CALLING ALL MEN:

All men are welcome to participate in this project:

Click on this link to submit! 100 Guys, 100 Reasons

Let's do this!  Do it for that teenage male who needs to read something like this, who needs to know that there are other guys out there who care about saving sex for marriage.  If you didn't wait like me, what would you want your children to read?

For my female readers, spread the word to the guys out there you know who care!  And maybe more importantly, please pray for all of us and this project.  Do we not need more chaste and holy men for the women out there who do care about waiting until marriage?  Do we not need more men for them to wait for?  Let's all get in on this together!

*And note, share this link on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram tagging @MattAujero and/or @CatholicFriedRice to enter to win $100 and a free copy of the book when it's published!

Amén.


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