Ready to go

[T-minus 24 hours until ministry with FrancisCorps begins]

A lot of people have been asking me lately how do I feel and if I'm ready to go.  I tell them that my feelings have been on and off all summer ranging from excitement to scared [crap]less.  But at the end of the day, am I ready? Yes, I'm as ready as I'll ever be at this point.  And I need to go.

I need to go because if I didn't, this whole summer would be pointless.  I'm not counting the time spent with family and friends, but all of the time preparing for tomorrow and the year to come would be obsolete if I weren't going.  I told myself at the beginning of the summer that I wanted to prepare myself as best as possible for Costa Rica---mentally, practically, skillfully, physically, and spiritually. Granted, a lot of my time was spent wasted on the Internet or on TV or sleeping, but here's the productivity I can record:

1. Better my Spanish
I would say this was my top priority and also hardest to do and stay motivated about.  In May, my Spanish was nowhere ready, and I would say it was my biggest fear to not be able to talk to the people (it still is my largest fear probably), but I've gained a lot more confidence through working with my Pimsleur CDs (thanks Joanie) and Rosetta Stone (thanks Chris).  (Side note: if anyone is interested in learning Spanish through product, I prefer rimsleur because it's all conversation type situations, but Rosetta Stone (though kind of slow and repetitive) does give a more rounded education and is best for someone who has zero exposure and experience to a language.)

2. Pray more
Let's be honest, I wasn't praying a day back in May.  But I knew if I was serious about giving my best to my students and community in CR, that included me being better spiritually prepared.  That didn't come easy, it still isn't automatic, and it took a lot of growing pains.  But after many revelations and reflections (i.e. Faithful Servant 2010 and nights sitting on the Honda looking at the stars) I've gotten myself a lot more grounded.  What has really helped was this Bible study course I joined at my church Holy Infant, and since, for the first time in my life, I've been reading the Bible more, at least once every two or three days.  Am I Catholic? :P

3. Becoming a better guitar player
This is nothing to boast about, I ain't no John Mayer or Jack Johnson.  But I knew if I was going to be bringing my guitar to CR, I better be bringing my guitar, if you know what I mean, nudge nudge.  (Maybe you don't.)  Haha so what that translated to was working on things I'm weak on: learning more popular, secular songs, finger picking, and most recently, learning Mass parts.  The latter, which has taken up my past three days, became important to me because I guess to me if I have a guitar, but I can't play at Mass, I'd feel pretty useless.  And after putting on a brand new pair of D'Addario strings on my guitar yesterday, I've been a happy kid.

I was so excited I cooked a poached egg
properly that I took a picture of it. I salted,
peppered, and put it on a buttered bagel
Looks good, right?

4. Be a better chef (yes, I said chef, not cook)
Once I found out that we'll be cooking for our community (i.e. four other people) every day, that translated in my head, dang, I need to learn how to cook haha.  OK, so I left CR become my excuse to get behind the stove.  My favorite show has become Top Chef D.C. (RIP Kenny).  I've constantly watching the cooking channel, and in between I've learned how to cook some semi-fancy meals, most notably Ahi Tuna steaks, chicken and white-wine mushrooms, and poached eggs.  (Ha, yeah maybe it's not all gourmet.)

5. Buy certain necessities
Unfortunately, I've been pulling a Noah and been buying two of everything, which isn't good. Check this out:
-I bought a 16 gb thumb drive to back my files up (this was back when I had money at the beginning of the summer), and it got crushed in the mail. Bought a 4 gb recently for $10 to replace it.
-Bought a small umbrella for $11.  It broke the very next day when lil Diego got a hold of it.  Kids don't know yet the concept to not hold an umbrella when it's windy outside.  I was going to refuse to buy another one, but I was out stranded in this thunderstorm another day and bought another one, an exact replica from CVS. Sigh.
-I bought strings.  Guitar strings, you can't go wrong.  No, I unstrung my guitar, cleaned it, and was stringing them with the new ones only to find there were only five strings in the package.  I thought I was going crazy.  Where is my G string?? (...wow, only now have I noticed that could mean something very different with a completely different set of issues.)  I called and complained and they sent me another set.  Meanwhile, I played on Joseph's mini kid guitar to suffice me.
-The list continues, but the above were the notable failures.

6. Worked out
I would say last semester I was probably in the best shape I've ever been in my life  (Which, let's be honest, isn't saying much, I'm still a Filipino twig.)  And being at home where I refused to pay gym membership, I haven't been as motivated, but being back in D.C. with my brother's gym available I'd say I'm almost back to par.  This doesn't mean much, I don't plan on flexing my (what) muscles(?) for anyone down there, but I guess I'm a big believer of the "look good, feel good" mentality.  There's nothing worse than showing up somewhere knowing you could be looking and feeling better.

7. Got a haircut
I decided I couldn't afford more than once since my last one in June, so I waited until two days ago to get one. It was badly needed, but it's reeeally short, almost as bad as my cut in Belize and Philippines.  But you know what, I've decided it looks fine.  Look good, feel good, right?

8. Got over myself
I spent a lot of unneeded time worrying if I was going to be good enough for CR.  My fears include being able to communicate well in Spanish, to replacing Liz, to even wondering if my housemates will like me haha (all three legitly hang true until I find out).  Then I got a phone call from my aunt, Tita Nita, and she told me some magic words.  "You shouldn't be worrying about anything.  Isn't this what God's calling you to do?  It is, you're doing God's work, and he's not going to let you fail."  And you know, it put all the minute details into perspective.  I guess I will be all right, won't I?  God's on my side, not to mention all the supporting family and friends I'm humbled by and grateful for.


Anyway, all this prep has summed up my summer.  The summer isn't all that pointless, now that I look back.  But it's time to put it all to test, to do what I feel I'm called to do, and begin the next chapter of my life.  Thank you, everyone, for your continued support and prayers.  I'm sure gonna need it.

Amen.

Aujero Time

Steve, Joseph, Melis, Mom, Me, Dad, Mireille, Mark

The past week has filled me up with such mixed emotions of happiness, humility, fulfillment, sadness, joy, frustration, laughter, weakness, and strength.

There were plenty of entries I've wanted to write, but I've never really had the chance to either because my nephew Joseph wants to play trains or tackle me, or because my mom wants me to eat because food is ready, or because we're out in D.C. touring around, or because my dad, brother and I are hitting golf balls, or because I'm out to town, reconnecting with friends and family over food, laughter, and well, alcohol.

Today's my first real break.  Steve and my cousins just left to double deck bus tour D.C., Melissa's at class, and I have the whole house to myself.  Bliss.

While I can't possibly begin to write everything I've wanted to write (I have at least two or three entries that go on in my head every single day), here are my few takeaways:

I love, and I mean love, my family.  It's been clear since I can remember, it's been clear this week, and I'm confident it will be clear in the future that I can always retrieve a source of happiness and joy from my family.  Consistently, conveniently, completely.  Several main highlights:

1. The moment in the hospital room where Melissa is finding out if her kid is going to be a boy or girl.  All of us are in there: her, Steve, Joseph, mom, dad, and me.  (Mark and Mireille couldn't make it) Here's the conversation:
Assistant on Melissa's stomach: "OK, here's the nose, the ears, hands, feet, oh, ope," she puts the camera on the Eiffel Tower of a penis, "It's a boy!"
Everyone: "Aaaah! Wooow!"
Melissa, smiling but snapping her fingers: "Dang!  Well a girl next time."
Steve: "Yes!  I told you!  I guess we're not done yet."  Proceeds to give Melis a knuckle pound, "Good job, babe."
Melis, pushing his hand away. "Don't give me that!  Look at him trying to give me knuckles.  Like I did all the work.  It takes two to tango."
Steve: "I'm gonna have two boys!  On my way to making my basketball team..."

2. Getting to go to Mass with everyone, all of together, filling almost an entire pew.  I'm at the end at it's a sight to look down at all of us, praying, celebrating Mass together.

3. Dinner on our last night together.  I cooked up a dinner for everyone because I wanted to show how much I cared about them.  It was awesome, all of us together.  Post dinner it was just nice to laugh and be together, play with Joseph, and we can't forget our family photo with all the candid shots, and Joseph faces.

4. Driving range with dad and Mark.  In this summer the three of us have gone to the driving range three times, and it's three times more than I can remember in recent memory that my dad and his sons did something with just the three of us.  I loved every bit of it.  It's funny how Mark and I have coincidently started picking up golf at the same time (this year).  The three of us all kinda suck at golf haha.  My dad, "I don't like the roof above us, my balls sometimes hits it."  Mmmm, I don't think you're suppose to hit the roof above you man if you're hitting it right.  But we've all gotten progressively better, with practice, and Mark and I sharing tips with each other, of course without much to back our words as we slice our balls hard right.
But, for anyone who knows me well and how much I care about fatherhood and a father's relationship with his sons, this was heaven for me.  A part of me felt more complete as a son, a brother, and a man.  It's a rare thing I know I should be grateful for.

5. Joseph is such a great kid.
These past several days with my three-year-old nephew has been some of my favorite ones.  I love the way he grits his teeth right before he's about to tackle me, or while he's (literally) choking me.  Every time I think in my head, "Yeah!  You're such a boy!  Get that aggression out!" haha.  And I rough-house him, throw him around, tackle him, get grabbed, and be tackled.  "Ah, you're too strong, too strong Josph, you got me!"  "I got you!  I'm strong!"  John Eldredge, you'd be proud.  Haha, anyway, he's such a great kid raised by great parents in my sister and Steve.

Anyway, I think that's all I have for now.  There's more I'd like to mention, like the past three nights of going out to town, the Youngs coming to town and spending a great time with them and their kids (they're also great parents), the oasis and getting to not always do the "right thing" but coming away with a good friend, and how good sweet tea and vodka tastes.  All that will just be written in memory.

I love it.  All of it.  Thank You, Lord. Amen.

Another reason I'm proud to be from Durham, NC

I read this in a magazine article this morning that cited a study that researched how residents in different cities across the U.S. spend their money.   This was one of the highlights:

"Every month, NASHVILLE residents give $333, or 6% of their total budget, to charity, making it the most generous city in the South.
Runner-up: DURHAM ($312)."

Sick!


God, may I represent my city well when I have the money to give. Amen.

The Things Mateo Carried: The Packing List for Costa Rica

Today I left Durham to stay in D.C. for a couple weeks with my sibs before I fly to Syracuse to start my orientation with FrancisCorps on the 21st.  Long story short, everything had to be packed.  Esta es la lista:

Big Luggage 1 –Clothing

-11 short-sleeved collar shirts

(I’m going to be working in a school every day and that with slacks is my dress code.  Somehow throughout the years I acquired thee many shirts. I figured 10 for a two-week rotation with an extra ready for the weekends/Church)

-10 pairs of boxers

-10 pairs of dress socks

-8 t-shirts

(I have so many, but I decided to go with my most comfortable.  Coincidently, they’re all shirts that represent different countries: Italy, Philippines, Russia, …Durham.  I had to throw in my most comfortable CUA shirts which include the Student Minister shirt and my Senior Retreat t-shirt.

-6 pairs of athletic shorts

-5 pairs of foot-wear

(One  pair for every day at school, one pair of sneaks, one pair of Rainbows, one formal pair, and my newest acquirement, my Croc Trailbreaks for hiking/walking.)

-5 pairs of white socks

-4 pairs of dress pants

-3 pairs of jeans

(One for the everyday, one messy one for field work, one dark pair for going out)

-3 white undershirts

-3 belts

(This sounds like a lot, and it is, but there’s a method to my madness.)

-2 pairs of cargo shorts

(Again, my most comfortable, and the only ones with zipper pockets.  Extremely handy.)

-2 button-down long sleeve shirts

(For formal occasions and possible going out)

-2 ties

-2 athletic pennies

(These are my lacrosse practice “jerseys”.  I’ve worn them a lot this summer.  They’re perfect for hot weather.)

-1 long-sleeve shirt

-1 CUA hoodie

(I had a lot to choose from between another CUA, Esto Vir, Falcon’s Cry, Jordan Falcons.  I went with the warmest and most comfortable.)

-1 pair of sweatpants

(Anyone who has heard me sing about these know how important this was to pack.)

-1 pair of swim trunks

-1 pair of goggles

(Because I have them.  Might as well use it.)

Smaller luggage 2-Everything else

-1 rain coat

-2 just-in-case ponchos

(They were like a $1 together at the dollar store)

-2 umbrellas

(One big, one smaller just-in-case one)

-4 caps

(2 Duke ones, 1 Carolina Panthers, 1 CUA)

-1 hamper bag

-1 bottle of shampoo

-1 bar of soap

-1 bottle of eye solution

-1 box of contacts

-1 box of Q-tips

-1 electric razor

-1 toothbrush

-1 tube of toothpaste

-1 thing of deodorant

-1 bottle of sunscreen

(I learned my lesson this summer)

-2 Shorter Christian Prayer books

(My personal and one to share)

-2 Liturgy of the Hours prayer books

(I think I janked these from CUA freshman year.  These are also to share.)

-1 CUA Student Prayer book

-1 “The Way” by St. Josemaria Escriva

-1 “Prayers for Catholic Men” prayer book by Mike Pacer

-1 Bible

-1 journal

-2 rosaries

-1 St. Francis “Bless This House” wall hang

(Found this in the garage, thought it’d be appropriate to bring.)

-1 crucifix

-1 To-Do-List notebook

-1 “Wild at Heart” by John Eldredge

-1 “Be a Man!” by Fr. Larry Richards

-1 “Stuff Christians Like” by Jonathan Acuff

(This is my go-to book when I need to cheer up.  I always end up laughing out loud with Acuff.  The guy’s hilarious.)

-1 “CultureShock: Costa Rica” by Claire Wallerstein

-1 “The Shack” by Wm. Paul Young

(An eventual read, gift from Katie.)

-6 flags

(Philippines [2], Belize, The Vatican, Italy, U.S.  I’ve been to several countries, and I guess I acquire the flags of the countries that have meant the most to me.  I suspect to get a Costa Rican one.)

-1 set of 3M tape and hooks

-3 maps to hang

(U.S., World, Philippines)

-1 bag of photos, including a framed one of my family

In book bag:

-1 camera with carrying case, connection chord, and charger

-1 CD player

-1 set of Spanish CDs

-1 Nano iPod

-1 set of headphones

-1 Netbook and power chord

-2 USB thumb drives

-2 pocket knives

(Each has different utilities.  Note to self: Put these in my check-in luggage, not carry-on)

-1 deck of cards

In guitar case:

-1 guitar

-1 binder with songs

-1 tuner

-3 capos

(One that actually works well)

-1 pouch of picks

-1 set of spare guitar strings

-1 pickup

-1 fingernail clipper

On my person:

-1 Tau cross around my neck

-1 solidarity ring from Belize on right-hand middle finger

-1 wallet with money, debit, and IDs

-1 passport

-1 scared and anxious mind

-1 hopeful heart

-1 prayer for the road

Amen.

Good-bye Durham

[This post was written earlier tonight.]

I sit here, Indian cross-legged style, with my Netbook in front of me, for the last time on top of my mom’s Honda Civic. It’s parked in a not-yet-developed cul de sac surrounded completely by dark woods in my neighborhood.  The only light present is the street light placed at the end of the cul de sac behind me, and one street light about a hundred yards in front of me at the beginning of this woods-surrounded road I took to get here.

I had been looking for a place like this in Durham all summer.  I wanted somewhere outside I could to get-away, but somewhere safe, decently lit, and close to my house.  This barren cul de sac in my neighborhood was the answer to that prayer, and has been a place I’ve gone to for the past month.  Ha, I remember the second week I came here, a car drove down this street, obviously lost because there’s nothing here, and as they U-Turned out of here they glanced at me sitting here on top of my mom’s civic.  I wonder what they were thinking.

I’ve gotten good prayer time done here, have had moments of growth, moments of reflection.  I’ll be forever grateful for this place in my summer of 2010.  And in the same way, I can say the same about my time here in Durham, North Carolina.

For the past four years, I’ve been in D.C. more than I’ve been home, as I’ve spent my last two summers in D.C. and the most time I would spend here would be the two to three weeks for Christmas.  Friends and family and church members weren’t used to seeing me anymore, as I wasn’t used to seeing them either.  Well, my two months I have caught up and then some, and there is a piece of me sad to be leaving again.

First and foremost, I am grateful to have had the opportunity to see my parents as much as I have had.  They are annoying to no end sometimes, but in the end we get along, and many times they’re hilarious.  One day my dad and I would have a heated argument about what or what not to throw away in the garage, but in the same hour he’s asking me, “What do you want for lunch?”  and the argument is over.  That’s how guys are.

It’s funny seeing my parents together.  They don’t always get together and weekly routine, if not daily, they’re always at one point annoyed at each other.  “Your mom can never find her keys, I hate that,” “That’s how your dad is, he can’t handle the stress at work sometimes.”  But they mock each other, make fun of each other, and they know how to laugh.  It’s healthy for me to see their marriage, especially one that has lasted this long, and to see it’s not all roses and “I love you’s”.  They talk to each other all the time, whether it’s because they’re upset with each other, or about something at work, or with a friend, they’re always talking. One of my biggest takeaways for me is when I find a wife, I need to make sure I can see myself talking to that person every day.

I love my cousins here, and all the new babies that have been born in the recent year.  I love my community here in Durham, especially my small church at Holy Infant.   I love the few friends I still have here.

Yes, my time here in Durham was much needed, as it was a time of growth, reflection, and finding a bit of myself again.  And whether I’m in Costa Rica, Washington D.C., or anywhere else, Durham, North Carolina will always be home.

Amen.

"Forever" by Ben Harper

I'm pretty tired/exhausted from the weekend/all the driving. Finally able to relax in my room, I checked my pants at the door, and flopped on my bed.  After laying for a bit, for some reason, I just wanted to hear "Forever" by Ben Harper.

Maybe it was because it came up in conversation this weekend, as I put it in Kara's card for suggested songs she should download.  It's one of my all-time favorites.

Or maybe it was because this weekend I finally realized I'm not going to see any of my college best friends ever as frequently as I used to these past four years.  And with that realization were my thoughts on the work needed to put in to keep in touch, which came down to prioritizing and realizing who might be the people I want to keep in touch with the most.  And perhaps the people I can't imagine life without, the ones I want to "forever" stay with.  And finally, the sadness and acceptance of the likelihood that this list will become shorter as time goes by.

Or maybe it was because this weekend I've been reminded of all the weddings and engagements that have gone on and will be happening in recent past and near future.  It's almost overwhelming how many there are, and if I really counted it could be more than two hands.  The song is essentially about spending your life forever with someone.  He's asking for a forever, and that "not a day less will do from you."  My favorite line. And that's my prayer to all the newlyweds or soon to be newlyweds.  My prayer is that your marriages will last the kind of forever described in the song.

Here's to:
Mark and Mire
Preston and Kym
Fred and Arlene
JM and Noelle
Tom and Kim
Matt and Nicole
Pop and Letty
Mike and Annie
Evan and Mara
Austin and Allison
John and Chuch
Sarah and Ed
Andrew and Juliana
Casey and Kate

"Forever" by Ben Harper
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHzAVDg4m1Q

Not talkin' 'bout a year
no not three or four
I don't want that kind of forever
in my life anymore
forever always seems
to be around when it begins
but forever never seems
to be around when it ends
so give me your forever
please your forever
not a day less will do
from you

People spend so much time
every single day
runnin' 'round all over town
givin' their forever away
but no not me
I won't let my forever roam
and now I hope I can find
my forever a home
so give me your forever
please your forever
not a day less will do
from you

Like a handless clock with numbers
an infinite of time
no not the forever found
only in the mind
forever always seems
to be around when things begin
but forever never seems
to be around when things end
so give me your forever
please your forever
not a day less will do
from you

Amen.