The Lay Need Lay

After two months of travelling, I'm finally in one place: Arlington, VA.  In my couple weeks here I've started to settle in---I cleaned my room (which now needs to be cleaned again), I've been interior organizing (buy of the week? Dish rack for the house), and I've started to venture out to see what is in my community.

We are the 99%.

I saw this bulletin in our our local Catholic paper, the Catholic Herald (which I've become quite fond of), and it was for this book forum on JPII's "Love and Responsibility" for young adults in their 20s and 30s at a local church.  I thought to myself, "I'm a 20-something, I like JPII, and wait, it's at my actual church St. Charles?"  Could I receive a stronger sign God?

At the book discussion we read a chapter from Sri's "Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love" together, split into groups (one all guys, the other all gals), ate pizza that we ordered on the church's dime, came back to small group and discussed some interesting topics, a memorable example being about if it's OK for a husband to send a text coming home from work that he's excited to see his wife naked later.  In hindsight, it's funny that we were bringing out all these hypothesizes, or "hypos" as one guy called them, of marriage life being all single people in the room.  It's like I was back at Catholic with college friends talking like we know exactly what NFP could be like.

Later we went out for drinks, well, rather the next door diner for milkshakes and drinks, and hung out.  This was an important factor for the night as we got to get to know each other better outside of the book talk.

Here are my takeaways:

-It was refreshing for me to meet other good Catholic men who aren't already in my close CUA circle.  (i.e. it was affirming that other like-minded guys exist).  In fact, one of them, Steve, invited me to one of his Catholic guy groups where they "booze and smoke cigars" in their get-togethers once a month.  I am so down.

-The discussion was thought provoking.  I mean, what is the answer to the hypo of the naked text to your wife?  I realized my answer in prayer last night, and it involves mirroring our love to the holiest marriage we all know, a phrase I will coin right now: WWJD, What would Joseph Do?

-Lastly, and most importantly, the group touched on a topic that I've been thinking about for awhile: the Catholic community.  One woman even called us out, "Protestants are so much better at community and fellowship."  Why is that?  And what can we do?

A big part of why Protestants are so good at fellowship and community is because it's lead by lay people.  Catholics obviously have a hierarchy, and while we love our priests who lead us, they wouldn't be seen at our marriage discussion about hypothetical sexual text messages.  So, what can we do?

Answer: the lay need lay.  We lay people, the 99% of the church (occupy that), need to step up and create stuff for each other.  We need more groups like the one I joined last night (though, as Steve and I joked, we'll need more ones that aren't called "Love and Responsibility" if we want to draw more guys).  We need intramural basketball teams, running and biking clubs, bowling groups, coffee open mic nights, and yes, Steve, fish fry's.

And nothing wrong with book clubs or bible studies or prayer groups (I'm been part of my fair share), but they all need to end the way last night ended: over some food, drinks, and laughter.  Because we need more of it: fellowship, or rather fraternity or sorority----community.

More importantly, we need lay leaders to lay the law (say that five times fast) and step up and organize these things.  If you, yes YOU, have an interest or hobby, I guarantee someone else and their friends do, too.  I appreciate women like Patricia,  a 22-year-old college graduate who was the one who started up this group last night.  It took her two seconds of real-life adulthood to realize that if she wasn't going to organize something, no one would have.

The lay need lay.  If not you, who?  If not now, when?

Amén.

In my head

My time here in D.C. is coming to a close, and I feel like I have so much to write about.  Though I don't let myself get on the computer during the day, not while my nephew Joseph is awake and he wants to play.  I love that kid, and I got all that I could ask for out of him.  The following are in my head.  I'm going to call them mini-blogs because for the exception of a couple of them, what I write here will be the extent of how much I will write about it.

Called To Fatherhood
This blog is very important to me, especially since I've been discerning about priesthood for months now.  I started it the other day, but it has become quite overwhelming because I have so much to say, longer than a normal blog should be.  It has become revealing to me that one of my (best-selling) books I'm going to publish one day is going to have that title: Called to Fatherhood.  It's going to be about men's discernment and calling to Fatherhood, and how we should take it as seriously as priests do about their calling to priesthood.  I feel like I've been writing/thinking about this for the past couple years now.  I've already started the first chapter/introduction.

Mid-Jump
This blog idea came to me at the end of my trip to Pennsylvania hanging out with my two best friends, Bobby and Anthony.  It seems to me the three of us are in "mid-jump" of what we want/need to do in our lives, in our dives past our fears into becoming better men and what we're called to be.  We haven't jumped completely yet, but we also haven't just started jumping.  We're mid-jump, kind of like that free-falling van in Inception (great movie, btw, huh? Saw it over break.)

2010: A Year of Change
At the end of the day, I'll tell you 2010 was a great year.  Though, it was the biggest year of change ever in my life.  Let's see, hard break-up from a loved one, graduated from college, moved and living in a different country with brand new people, speaking a different language, Melissa's new baby.  One of those things is enough change, but all of them together?  Whew.  Oh yeah, my Blue Devils won their 4th National Championship that year, too.  You can't tell me 2010 wasn't a great year.

New Year's Resolutions
At the end of my work semester at St. Francis, I did a self-evaluation and reflected on what I felt went well, and what I want am praying for for next year.
My resolutions include:
-Sticking to waking up at 6:30 in the morning during my work week.
-Making more an effort to have confidence with talking to my fellow teachers. (Ha, one of the things I decided is that I'm going to start wearing shirt and ties to work so I can really blend more in with the male teachers.)
-Take away my pride with my Spanish and really humble myself to ask more questions and not "fake" conversations anymore.  If I don't understand something, I should say it all the time.  It's the only way you'll learn, Matt.  This goes along with really wanting to make the language my own and not being afraid of it.

My dad and brother
I had a great time with my dad and brother last night at our New Year's Eve party.  I haven't laughed that hard in awhile.  It's funny how guys are, we kind of have this manly and ideal thoughts on what we should do to feel like we're bonding.  Example, I thought it'd be cool if we went out and smoked cigars together.  Is it manly and ideal that we were continually spitting out the remnants of our cigars as we smoked because they were cheap and we had a rough cut with a dull knife?  The three of us played flipped up with the other guys. Is it manly and ideal that my dad and I were the first two to lose in the survival-spin round?  We also played pool.  Is it manly and ideal that we were pretty terrible at it, embarrassing ourselves in front of the other players, scratching, missing balls completely, and even hitting them off the table (cough*Mark*cough).  I remember Mark's and my game with our embarrassing plays, it came to a point where it was so bad we would laugh for minutes at a time, that kind of laugh where your eyes are closed, teeth out, cheeks red, your stomach hurt, and you're bent over because it's hard to stand kind of laugh.  Was it any of it manly and ideal? Maybe not, but the bonding did happen, and that's all I could ask for.

Anyway, hey 2011.  Good to see ya.  I know I'll be writing about you, too.  Bring it on.

Amén.

Aujero Time

Steve, Joseph, Melis, Mom, Me, Dad, Mireille, Mark

The past week has filled me up with such mixed emotions of happiness, humility, fulfillment, sadness, joy, frustration, laughter, weakness, and strength.

There were plenty of entries I've wanted to write, but I've never really had the chance to either because my nephew Joseph wants to play trains or tackle me, or because my mom wants me to eat because food is ready, or because we're out in D.C. touring around, or because my dad, brother and I are hitting golf balls, or because I'm out to town, reconnecting with friends and family over food, laughter, and well, alcohol.

Today's my first real break.  Steve and my cousins just left to double deck bus tour D.C., Melissa's at class, and I have the whole house to myself.  Bliss.

While I can't possibly begin to write everything I've wanted to write (I have at least two or three entries that go on in my head every single day), here are my few takeaways:

I love, and I mean love, my family.  It's been clear since I can remember, it's been clear this week, and I'm confident it will be clear in the future that I can always retrieve a source of happiness and joy from my family.  Consistently, conveniently, completely.  Several main highlights:

1. The moment in the hospital room where Melissa is finding out if her kid is going to be a boy or girl.  All of us are in there: her, Steve, Joseph, mom, dad, and me.  (Mark and Mireille couldn't make it) Here's the conversation:
Assistant on Melissa's stomach: "OK, here's the nose, the ears, hands, feet, oh, ope," she puts the camera on the Eiffel Tower of a penis, "It's a boy!"
Everyone: "Aaaah! Wooow!"
Melissa, smiling but snapping her fingers: "Dang!  Well a girl next time."
Steve: "Yes!  I told you!  I guess we're not done yet."  Proceeds to give Melis a knuckle pound, "Good job, babe."
Melis, pushing his hand away. "Don't give me that!  Look at him trying to give me knuckles.  Like I did all the work.  It takes two to tango."
Steve: "I'm gonna have two boys!  On my way to making my basketball team..."

2. Getting to go to Mass with everyone, all of together, filling almost an entire pew.  I'm at the end at it's a sight to look down at all of us, praying, celebrating Mass together.

3. Dinner on our last night together.  I cooked up a dinner for everyone because I wanted to show how much I cared about them.  It was awesome, all of us together.  Post dinner it was just nice to laugh and be together, play with Joseph, and we can't forget our family photo with all the candid shots, and Joseph faces.

4. Driving range with dad and Mark.  In this summer the three of us have gone to the driving range three times, and it's three times more than I can remember in recent memory that my dad and his sons did something with just the three of us.  I loved every bit of it.  It's funny how Mark and I have coincidently started picking up golf at the same time (this year).  The three of us all kinda suck at golf haha.  My dad, "I don't like the roof above us, my balls sometimes hits it."  Mmmm, I don't think you're suppose to hit the roof above you man if you're hitting it right.  But we've all gotten progressively better, with practice, and Mark and I sharing tips with each other, of course without much to back our words as we slice our balls hard right.
But, for anyone who knows me well and how much I care about fatherhood and a father's relationship with his sons, this was heaven for me.  A part of me felt more complete as a son, a brother, and a man.  It's a rare thing I know I should be grateful for.

5. Joseph is such a great kid.
These past several days with my three-year-old nephew has been some of my favorite ones.  I love the way he grits his teeth right before he's about to tackle me, or while he's (literally) choking me.  Every time I think in my head, "Yeah!  You're such a boy!  Get that aggression out!" haha.  And I rough-house him, throw him around, tackle him, get grabbed, and be tackled.  "Ah, you're too strong, too strong Josph, you got me!"  "I got you!  I'm strong!"  John Eldredge, you'd be proud.  Haha, anyway, he's such a great kid raised by great parents in my sister and Steve.

Anyway, I think that's all I have for now.  There's more I'd like to mention, like the past three nights of going out to town, the Youngs coming to town and spending a great time with them and their kids (they're also great parents), the oasis and getting to not always do the "right thing" but coming away with a good friend, and how good sweet tea and vodka tastes.  All that will just be written in memory.

I love it.  All of it.  Thank You, Lord. Amen.

Guy Time

Last Thursday I got to play frisbee golf with my boy Andrew.  We played a good 18 holes on the nice Chapel Hill course.  It was good to go out and do something physical, and kind of hang and talk about real things (like his engagement) during our breaks.  He's become a good friend of mine this summer, and I'm definitely grateful for the guy.

Saturday I hung out with my neighbor Colyn and his friends in his garage.  It was an epic jam session that included five guitars (three electric, two acoustic), three amps, two basses, one drum set, one djembe drum, one set of bongos, one pair of maracas, and one microphone.  Between the four of us, we kept jumping instruments, especially me learning to play a little bass and drum kit for the first time (check that off the things to do/learn before I die).  So much fun.  I felt like I was playing rock band, but with real instruments.  We did get some good sessions in, one with me on the djembe, one with me on electric guitar, and one with me on mic lol.  Couldn't hear a word I was saying but the sound and vibe was good.  Those guys are so talented.  Later when the night broke down, we were sharing songs with each other.  I of course shared "F--- My Life",  a song that was created at my boy Bobby's 21st b-day party with a bunch of guys around a campfire and has been a legend ever since.  Anyway, the whole jam session was probably some of the most fun I've had all summer.

Last night I got to hang with my long-time friend Sam.  It's funny how long-time, child-hood friends think the same about things sometimes.  We got on the phone and we both wanted to do the same thing---play basketball.  That's all we ever do when I go to his place, hang out or play video games or play basketball.  Oh and we talk a lot of basketball, him being a UNC fan, me a big Duke fan.  And that's what did.  We drove down to a public court and played night basketball.  I won the first game of 21, he won the second, and in the tie breaker we were tied 19-19 for the longest time until he finally made the winning shot.  Sick.  At one point in the night Sam said, "Can you believe we graduated from college?"  Mmm, no.  Not while hanging out like we always did in high school playing basketball on the same court we always have.

Anyway, I thank God for guy time.  It's one of the biggest things that gets me through life.  Amen.

Men, more men, and Andrew

In the past two days, I've gotten to see more men together than I've seen in a very long time, probably since Esto Vir. One Wednesday, I checked out a pilot meeting of a men's spirituality group that's forming at my church Holy Infant.  These were men old enough to be my dad or my granddad.  Thursday morning, I went to this 6:30 a.m. CBMC (Christian Businessmen Connection) meeting that Jim invited me to the night before.  These men, all Christian businessmen of different denominations, seem to me committed to praying for each other, reading scripture, and reaching out to other men.  There was a presentation with interaction and testimonies.  Wasn't bad at all.  Lastly, last night I hung out with Andrew.  We were originally going to watch a basketball game, but I wanted to do something active, so I suggested we went frisbee golfing.  T'was fun.  

In all three instances, something came alive in me as a man.  There's nothing like a bunch of guys just being together.  But here are my individual take-aways from each experience:

1.) Pilot meeting of men's spirituality group at Holy Infant

You could look in the room, and you could tell that many of the guys in the room hadn't had a chance to be with just other men like that.  When asked why they were there, interest varied from doing service, praying for each other, reading scripture, growing in spiritual life, to simply, not sure, but all of the above.  Some guys weren't really sure why they were there, but they knew they should be there. No one admitted in words the truth I felt was clearly evident---men need men.  Period.  When it's just guys around, from my experience, it's a different, attractive dynamic that guys just need.  It's for our mental, physical, and spiritual sanity.  Men need men.  I'm glad they're starting a group there at my church.

2.) CBMC Meeting

During one of the guy's testimonies, he said a friend shared with him the C3 approach, which I thought was pretty cool.  No, not Chris Paul, CP3, but C3.  He said for the longest time his biggest sin was criticizing his wife.  It's then he picked up the C3 approach, which is something he does when feels the sin is coming.

C1: Call a time out.  Before he starts to think or say something harmful to his wife, he has to call a time out for himself and step back and breathe.

C2: Confess the sin to God.  He tells God in his mind he's sorry for having the harmful thoughts.

and finally,

C3: Choose Christ. " What would Jesus do in the situation?", is what he asks himself.  It's almost always obvious.

My second huge takeaway was one they seemed to preach the hardest in the meeting: the importance of having an intimate relationship with God.  It's funny, because I've read the same message in Wild at Heart, in the current book I'm reading, Be a Man!, and here it's repeated at this meeting.  All disconnected experiences connecting the same dots for true happiness.  And, it's something I've been recently rediscovering for myself in the past month, so it's all very relevant to me.  

Lastly, 3.) Frisbee golf with Andrew

After the meeting yesterday morning, I had a pretty cruddy, unproductive day filled with wasted time on the Internet (Facebook Scrabble, anyone?) and napping.  I could feel myself not wanting to hang out with Andrew anymore, and I knew that was a sure sign that I should be hanging out with him.  I wanted to do something active, and he complied.  Great friend, Mr. Lipetsky is.  In the two other examples, men in groups showed clearly that they needed each other.  Well, I needed Andrew.  To get out and be physically active, and talk guy things, and be stupid.  Men need men.  

Well, that's it for now.  I'm out.

Peace!