Fight the New Drug

Fight the New Drug Video: My porn recovery story

***To see my featured talk "How Love Defeats Porn" given at the Catholic Information Center in Washington, D.C. click here. ***

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

For women to read, a request

Hello ladies!

Some of you may know about my current project fully described here:

In brief, I have found that one of the biggest motivators men need to become better, virtuous, and pure men, is to know that there are other men out there who desire the same thing.

To combat this, particularly with pornography, I am asking A LOT of men courageous enough to give me their thoughts on pornography so we can show the world on Thursday, April 26 when I post their quotes that there are other men out there who care to be better. 

But what about women?  Though it may be true that women, too watch pornography, the percentage of men who do watch pornography is a significantly higher than women (almost all men have watched pornography at one point or another).  If you do struggle, please reply anonymously on my blog your two answers to my questions without leaving your name if you’d like.

For all the women out there who feel helpless while they hear about their boyfriends or friends deal with this enormous epidemic, there IS something you can do.

#1: Pray for us.

On Thursday, April 26 when this post gets published, a lot of men are going to be exposed.  By telling the world how they overcame the temptation of pornography for one instance, they are admitting that they too (at least once) struggle with an otherwise taboo, shameful, and silent battle.

Our Mother
She's a great place to start.
I know what it's like to be exposed.  I remember when I blogged my first post about pornography. I was shaking and I wanted to vomit.  Just ask my girlfriend Mimi :).  If I'm completely honest, I had attempted to write that post numerous times before I finally published it last February.  Each failed attempt resulted in a fall into sin and pornography, which was odd because I hadn’t fallen in some time.  It was clear the Devil did not want me to write that post and was doing everything in his power to stop me.

I fear this is what's going to happen on Thursday, April 26, when the other men's names and quotes are published.  The Devil, unsettled because he has become exposed, is going to attack each and every one of us hard core.  He attacks our pride.  It's ironic what happens---a man will think in his head, "Look, I am doing better," which will lead him to relax, which then his guard is let down.  The moment when a man feels at his highest high of self-discipline, he falls.  This has happened to me and many guys I know a lot of times.

The only way I’ve gotten over this was my humility to realize that I can fall any day, and I cling to God desperately when I’m tempted, which is most days.  The success, I’ve found, was never about me and my own will, just Our Father. 

So I ask you to pray for us.  Pray for our purity, pray that we can fight the Devil together with our Lord, pray that we can become better, more alive men for the world, for God, and inevitably for you.

To collect this army of prayers, I created a Facebook group called Prayers for Purity  I invite you to join, to pray for our purity.   I ask that tonight, tomorrow, and Friday keep us in your intentions by praying this prayer with me and other men (replace the pronouns as you go):

Jesus, Lover of chastity, Mary, Mother most pure, and Joseph, chaste guardian of the Virgin, to you I come at this hour, begging you to plead with God for me. I earnestly wish to be pure in thought, word and deed in imitation of your own holy purity.
Obtain for me, then, a deep sense of modesty which will be reflected in my external conduct. Protect my eyes, the windows of my soul, from anything that might dim the luster of a heart that must mirror only Christ like purity.
And when the "Bread of Angels becomes the Bread of me" in my heart at Holy Communion, seal it forever against the suggestions of sinful pleasures.
Heart of Jesus, Fount of all purity, have mercy on us.
Then, on Friday, the day after these quotes are published, I ask that you join me and other men as we recite the Rosary, combating the Devil with full force, with the intentions for all these men and our weekends to stay pure.  Prayer is the only way we’re going to succeed. What if every man that will be quoted on Thursday had a paired woman to pray for him? 

#2: Get informed

I've had too many conversations with women who are wondering where are all the real men out there.  You know you're one of them.  There are legitimate reasons!  

One of the best books I've read highlights all the secular reasons why there aren't real men out there and presents practical ways how we can all make a difference.  It's called "Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men." by Leonard Sax, M.D., Ph. D.

Another book, "Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul" by John Eldredge is a book, I consider, a must read for ALL men.  It has single-handedly changed my life and the way I view myself as a man.  Read this book if you want to delve deep into what's really going on with a man's heart and soul and what he fears to do to become a real man.  Mimi's read it ,and she understands me so much better.  Were this book to mention the Eucharist and the other Sacraments, it'd be completely perfect.

Lastly, "Every Man's Battle: Every Man's Guide to Winning the Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time" by Arterburn, Stoeker, and Yorkey is a great book specifically about sex that has a subsection for women at the end of each chapter.  

#3: Modest is hottest

Personally, I think the white t-shirt
and jeans look is still hot.
I may be preaching to the choir, but it's true.  In a previous blog about guarding our eyes , I talk how the battle for men actually starts with seeing every day images, including yourself and what you're wearing.  Does what you wear help our cause to staying pure?  And no, I'm not asking you to be prude.  Every man I know in a chaste relationship and/or marriage are with women who are not prude, but modest and confident about their looks and dress.  Encourage other women when they wear a cute dress/skirt/shirt/pants that's also modest!  I can go into this in probably another blog and my future book, "How to get a man without taking your clothes off"

On a last note, even the most chaste man will fall to a woman who's forward enough.  It's sad, but very true.  You ultimately hold the key to relationship chastity.  

To end, why should you care?  You may heard me say this statistic once, and I’ll say it again: one in four.  One in four marriages divorce because of a spouse’s obsession with pornography.  Yes, these are your potential relationships and marriages, future husbands and fathers.  There are some great fathers out there, and we all know we need more of them in this world.



  1. Hey Matt! As a sister of yours in Christ, I will be praying very much for you and the other courageous men in this project. You're on the right track by asking Mary and Joseph to watch over all of you. Just remember, "The Lord is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear?"

  2. I'm sorry I didn't see this before today...praying and going to pick up the books you suggested. May God continue to use you as His instrument! God bless!

    1. Trista you humble me. Let me know which one you read first. I'd love to get your reaction.

  3. Praying! Another great book for girls is How To Find Your Soulmate without losing Your Soul.

    1. I've heard. I'll have to recommend it to others.

  4. As a girl who found her dad's porn and had to confront him on it, I think it's very important to educate every woman of this growing problem and how they can help. I don't think people realize how big of a problem porn is and how it is destroying families. So thanks for making post like this not to just help the men but also the women who are affected.

    1. This is heartbreaking. I said a prayer for you the other day when I first read this. Feel free to join our prayer network!

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