Bastará

"Lord, I´m not worthy to receive You, but only say the word and I shall be healed."

Since freshman year of college, this has always been my favorite prayer to say during Mass.  My friend Mike used to make fun of me: "Dude, you would just have your eyes closed and you´d say it so much louder and slower than everyone else.  You´d look so intense."  Haha, and I would laugh with him, I guess I am a little intense, but that´s how I felt about the prayer.  Considering the big pride issue I have, the prayer allows me to humble myself at my knees (literally, we´re kneeling at that moment) and remind myself I really am not worthy to receive Jesus as we´re about to go up for communion.

I appreciated the prayer even more when one day at campus ministry Ashley Wells and I were talking about it (I´m pretty sure it was after I had asked her who her favorite Gospel writer was, and she said Johh, and I said, "No, I meant out of the Synoptics", and then we laughed at how gross our Catholic geekiness was).  I mentioned how that was my favorite part of the Mass, and she said it was one of her favorites too, especially because of the story in the Bible where it comes from.  I said, "There´s a story?"  And she said, "Yeah, it´s the story from the Centurion who had his servant sick, and tells Jesus that he´s not worthy to receive Him in his house to heal him, but if He only said the word he shall be healed."  To this day when I say that prayer I think about the story and how the power of the Centurion´s faith was enough for his servant to be healed.  Thanks Ash.

Well, anyway, since being here in Costa Rica, saying this same prayer has never had the same effect in Spanish until a couple days ago.  The prayer in Spanish is:

"Señor, no soy digno de que entres en mi casa, pero una palabra tuya bastará para sanarme."

I always appreciated the first part, because it´s closer to the actual words of the Centurion in the Bible: "Lord, I´m not worthy to have you in my house" but I always just kind of guessed on the second part, knowing it loosely translated to what I know in my head "say the word and I shall be healed"  Everytime I read this prayer (I keep a little cheat sheet card of the Mass prayers in Spanish) I always wondered what bastará and sanar literally meant.  Especially when I would go to daily Mass with the friars, I told myself I would look those two words up later, but I always forgot.

Then last Tuesday when I took mom, dad, and Melissa to the daily Mass with the friars while they were here, I had a light bulb moment.  Someone had said it or I had read it differently, and I realized (stupid me) that the there was an accent on the "a" in bastará because it was the future tense of bastar.  And I never used the verb bastar before, but I realized it must come from basta, which means "enough."  Maybe I should have figured this out a long time ago, but it was a huge revelation to me considering how much I like this prayer.  Bastará literally means "will be enough."  Then para sanarme must mean "to heal me".  For the first time I finally understood what the prayer was literally saying "Señor, no soy digno de que entres in mi casa, pero una palabra tuya bastará para sanarme" means "Lord, I´m not worthy to have You in my house, but Your Word will be enough to heal me."  

After months of being frustrated with the job search, two interviews, two rejections, not hearing back from the other dozen applications, becoming a little Negative Nancy this past month about it and getting off my game of being the best version of myself, I had come to a point where I wanted to change my attitude, where I needed to choose to be happy again. This realization lead to this choice, prayer lead to this choice, and my family´s visit, especially the joy and laughter of my sister brought me back to this choice. Right there in Mass after communion, after my revelation, I wrote this in my journal:

"Bastará para sanarme"
Your Word will be enough to heal me.
Father, may You be enough for me.  May my family be enough for me, my friends be enough for me.  My failures be enough for me.  My accomplishments, hunger, and dreams be enough for me.
May your love be enough for me.
May your love be enough for me.
May your love be enough for me.


"Bastará para sanarme."
Amén.

Then I sat there, and I asked God, "How can I let your love be enough for me?"  After silent reflection, I wrote this down below my prayer, something I believe that came from Him:

"See the love you want to see
Be the love you want to be
Free the love that you should free."

Lord, may You be enough for me.  Bastará para sanarme.

Amén.