Fight the New Drug

Fight the New Drug Video: My porn recovery story

***To see my featured talk "How Love Defeats Porn" given at the Catholic Information Center in Washington, D.C. click here. ***

Friday, February 10, 2012

Sexual Freedom

Behind closed and unpublished doors, I have written, talked, and struggled for years about my thoughts that revolve around three sexual issues:
"Well son, when a man and a woman..."

Why avoid watching pornography?
Why wait until marriage to have sex?
Why consider a better alternative to contraception?

Boom. Boom. Pow.  Did I just say that?  Did I just go there?  Am I terrified to share more, to even have gone this far?  Yes, yes, and yes.

[***Before I go any further, I have to write a disclaimer.  I am far from perfect at practicing the thoughts needed to act upon these ideals nor do I claim to have everything figured out.  I do not judge anyone who thinks it's OK to (and does) watch pornography, have pre-marital sex and use contraceptives.  If I did, I would be chastising (and would be chastised by) my some of my own close friends and family who I love close to my heart.  If there was a first to cast a stone, it would be me, and it would be at myself.***]

I just feel in a world saturated with messages for pro-porn (who's getting hurt?), pro-sex (why not?), and pro-condoms (why wouldn't you?), there's not enough, if any, of someone from the other side giving the other message.  This is my attempt.

After research in books, essays, people, testimonies, countless conversations, and experiences, my answer to the bolded questions above is this:

William Wallace had it down
Freedom.  Sexual freedom.

And I'm not talking about the experimentation and sexual revolution of the 60s and 70s, I'm talking about a different kind of sexual freedom.

Freedom for a guy to sit in front of a computer late at night by himself in his room bored and to think he's inevitably going to click on a porn site.  Freedom for that same guy to realize he actually rather just finish checking Facebook and shut down the computer.

Freedom for a couple making out in a room with the night to themselves to think they're only inevitable option is to have sex.  Freedom for that same couple to see beyond the moment, to see that real love is bigger than just the sexual act, ending the night with a peck and walk out the door.

Freedom for a couple who may think using contraception is the only way they can be responsible.  Freedom for that same couple to understand that sex is more than just pleasure, and that contraception cuts off the best and most amazing part of sex: the total gift of one self.

Freedom.  Sexual Freedom.  That's what I have concluded and what it comes down to.  I'm not perfect at it, but once having tasted it, I will say it's a whole lot easier and nicer than trying to deal with all the temptations and mess of everything else.

I'll stop here for now.  If interested for more details, please let me know.  I otherwise might not write about this again for a very long time.



  1. I think this would be a wonderful series of posts.

    Also, I picked you for an award! Check it out:

  2. Amen-freedom is what it comes down to. God gives us rules so that we can live in freedom. The world thinks the opposite, that rules are constraining. But God's rules are true and freeing.

  3. To not write about this for a long time would be a shame. If there's a topic that everyone can relate to - it's sex. And what's more - how we all struggle with the desire for it; or at least the pleasure, love, affection, and feeling of being wanted that we associate with it. You and I both know that the topics you brought up have been huge struggles in both our lives and I'm sure many others. I was just thinking about Lewis' Screwtape Letters and how Screwtape is probably instructing Wormwood right now to do all he can to prevent us from bringing struggles and questions like these out into the open. Well...too late!

    Oh and once I post this I'll be shutting down the computer and going to bed - thanks to you Matt.

  4. Dude...yes.

    The world needs more of this, bro.

  5. Thanks for the encouragement brothers...I'm going to dig in and see what I can write in more details soon. Prayers appreciated it as it's kind of tough and vulnerable.