Fight the New Drug

Fight the New Drug Video: My porn recovery story

***To see my featured talk "How Love Defeats Porn" given at the Catholic Information Center in Washington, D.C. click here. ***

Saturday, June 23, 2012

12-hour Victory

[The following is a response to June 21 comment on a previous post.]

I've spent the last 12 hours alone in my apartment.

I got home from work.  Took a 20 minute nap from just being straight tired.
I woke, I cooked dinner blasting some radio. (I often like to be creative, but this time just cooked spam and rice partly because I wanted something fast, and hugely because I have nothing else to eat.  Time for the grocery store.)
I cut coupons for a grocery store run.
I got online, watched a TED talk while my food digested.
I wrote a couple e-mails.
I filled out my paper work for my new apartment lease.
I did the dishes and cleaned the counters, again with more blasted radio.
A song came on, "Beautiful Things" by Gungor, a song that brought memories to me while I was in Florida recruiting.
I whipped out my guitar to learn it.
I played it over and over again until I got it right.
I called Mimi.
I prayed.
I went to bed.

I slept in (9 a.m., glorious!).
Went to the gym.  Got big.
Came back and made a oats, banana, peanut butter concoction to supplement me.
I don't mind doin' it.
Don't mind folding.
But ironing and putting it away?
Forget it.
I fixed the loose handles on my dressers.
While I had the tools out I fixed the wheels on my laundry cart.
I shaved my head(it was getting a lil long.  I was proud that I'm getting better with the sideburns.)
Cleaned some of the bathroom.
I did two loads of laundry.
I cleaned my built-up mess in my room.
I put up some things to sell on ebay.
I ate lunch (leftover spam and rice).  While I ate, I read a book.
While I folded laundry, I listened to another talk.
Mimi called, called her back.
Now I'm about to get ready to go see my boy Bobby and his birthday bash.

Yes, I was tempted to look at porn.
No, no one would have known otherwise.

For years, I've wasted a lot of time with 12 hours alone before, have fallen into various temptations with one hour, forget about 12.

But today I just had things to do.

About a year and half ago, I didn't tell myself, "Matt, you're going to break it and never will ever again."
Chumbawamba anyone?
No, it was about winning one victory at a time, six hours, 12 hours, 1 day, 2 days, one week, two weeks, one month, two months, six months, one year at a time.

Success begets success.  Count our wins, not our losses.  Build on momentum.  If we fall (and I have), get up immediately again.  Shoot for longer times between falls.  And after awhile, we'll even lose count of our wins.  I also understand that despite my victories, I am susceptible to fall any day, even today.  That's why I cling to God.

But for now, this was my 12-hour victory.



  1. Thank you for this post, yet another little, but tremendously important inspiration. Keep it up!

    You're in my prayers!

    1. Thanks, let's keep fighting the good fight!

  2. Matt, thank you for your inspirational posts. God bless!

    Remember I mentioned that you were inspiring me to write something of my own? Finally wrote it. Guest post for --->

    1. Just read it, how courageous Trista! I bet a lot of women feel the same way you do and would need to read your words. Thanks for being courageous!