Fight the New Drug

Fight the New Drug Video: My porn recovery story

***To see my featured talk "How Love Defeats Porn" given at the Catholic Information Center in Washington, D.C. click here. ***

Saturday, June 23, 2012

12-hour Victory

[The following is a response to June 21 comment on a previous post.]

I've spent the last 12 hours alone in my apartment.

Yep.
Friday
I got home from work.  Took a 20 minute nap from just being straight tired.
I woke, I cooked dinner blasting some radio. (I often like to be creative, but this time just cooked spam and rice partly because I wanted something fast, and hugely because I have nothing else to eat.  Time for the grocery store.)
I cut coupons for a grocery store run.
I got online, watched a TED talk while my food digested.
I wrote a couple e-mails.
I filled out my paper work for my new apartment lease.
I did the dishes and cleaned the counters, again with more blasted radio.
A song came on, "Beautiful Things" by Gungor, a song that brought memories to me while I was in Florida recruiting.
I whipped out my guitar to learn it.
I played it over and over again until I got it right.
I called Mimi.
I prayed.
I went to bed.

Saturday
I slept in (9 a.m., glorious!).
Went to the gym.  Got big.
Came back and made a oats, banana, peanut butter concoction to supplement me.
I don't mind doin' it.
Don't mind folding.
But ironing and putting it away?
Forget it.
I fixed the loose handles on my dressers.
While I had the tools out I fixed the wheels on my laundry cart.
I shaved my head(it was getting a lil long.  I was proud that I'm getting better with the sideburns.)
Cleaned some of the bathroom.
Showered.
I did two loads of laundry.
I cleaned my built-up mess in my room.
I put up some things to sell on ebay.
I ate lunch (leftover spam and rice).  While I ate, I read a book.
While I folded laundry, I listened to another talk.
Mimi called, called her back.
Now I'm about to get ready to go see my boy Bobby and his birthday bash.

Yes, I was tempted to look at porn.
No, no one would have known otherwise.

For years, I've wasted a lot of time with 12 hours alone before, have fallen into various temptations with one hour, forget about 12.


But today I just had things to do.


About a year and half ago, I didn't tell myself, "Matt, you're going to break it and never will ever again."
Chumbawamba anyone?
No, it was about winning one victory at a time, six hours, 12 hours, 1 day, 2 days, one week, two weeks, one month, two months, six months, one year at a time.

Success begets success.  Count our wins, not our losses.  Build on momentum.  If we fall (and I have), get up immediately again.  Shoot for longer times between falls.  And after awhile, we'll even lose count of our wins.  I also understand that despite my victories, I am susceptible to fall any day, even today.  That's why I cling to God.

But for now, this was my 12-hour victory.

Amén.

4 comments:

  1. Thank you for this post, yet another little, but tremendously important inspiration. Keep it up!

    You're in my prayers!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, let's keep fighting the good fight!

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  2. Matt, thank you for your inspirational posts. God bless!

    Remember I mentioned that you were inspiring me to write something of my own? Finally wrote it. Guest post for ---> http://realcatholicloveandsex.blogspot.com/2012/06/honeymoon-series-part-8-for-those.html

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    Replies
    1. Just read it, how courageous Trista! I bet a lot of women feel the same way you do and would need to read your words. Thanks for being courageous!

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