Fight the New Drug

Fight the New Drug Video: My porn recovery story

***To see my featured talk "How Love Defeats Porn" given at the Catholic Information Center in Washington, D.C. click here. ***

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

What is real love when it comes to sex?

What is real love when it comes to sex?  

            Tonight I went to a talk at the University of Maryland-College Park given by Damon Owens, a previous college football player playa turned believer of saying Yes to Better Sex. He said real love, or the Greek word agape, that emphasizes sacrificial and unconditional love has four pillars: freedom, totality, faithfulness, and fruitfulness. 

agape (ah-gah-pay)

He said that the love has to be freely given and freely received.  If there’s any point of force, manipulation, or conditions---it isn’t real love.

Real love, or agape love, needs to be a total gift meaning you are saying to your partner, “I am totally yours” and he or she should be able to say back, “I am totally yours.”  This means his amazing aspects among with his obnoxious imperfect annoyances.  The “I-want-all-of-you”, including your brokenness, including your triumphs, kind of love.

This kind of love means forever.  Forever during the great joys, and forever during the great depressing “who am I with?” kind of moments.  For better and for worse.  For sicker and for poorer.

This love is so powerful that it begets more love, it creates more love out of it.  It’s the kind of love that endures love even after the act of love making.  Unlike pleasure that only lasts until it ends, this kind of love continues to stick around long after an act is over.  It’s this kind of love that has the potential to create life, when two become one and make a third---a blessing, a miniature mixed-version of the two, a baby.


What do we think?  Agree?  Disagree?  Is this love present in our lives?  Is this love present in our love lives?  And is this love present in our love lives…in bed? 

Questions to ponder, answers to wander. 


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