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Thursday, October 10, 2013

"What's the number one reason women have abortions?"


How did we get here?

“What’s the number reason women have abortions?”

          The question was asked by Development Director Steve today at Centro Tepeyac, a Catholic Women’s Center where I work part-time and where I will soon be bringing a men’s ministry component to.  He was asking one of our visitors who works for Rachel’sVineyard, a ministry that provides retreats for healing post-abortive women.    “Is it out of convenience?” he asked.

           
            “The number one reason,” she said, “is that these women have a lack of respect and dignity for themselves, so that they feel unworthy to have a child.”

            Mariana, the director of Centro Tepeyac who counsels many women as well added, “It’s that, and also abandonment.  These women have suffered abandonment in their lives, could be from someone like a father, but it's especially from their boyfriend or lover.”

            Lack of self-respect, self-dignity.  Abandonment. 
           
            If any of us really want to save babies, we have to focus our attention on the woman first.  The questions I want to propose out there is what efforts are we doing to guide women towards gaining self-respect, self-dignity?  Where are our efforts in teaching men responsibility, that manning up means to be accountable for our actions, not running away from our problems?  Where are our efforts in teaching young people the foresight that minutes of pleasurable interaction can cause a lifetime of undesirable consequence?  Where are our efforts in teaching young men and women another way to love, a love that is so powerful that it will wait until they’re ready to bring a child into the world, a love that understands that the healthiest way to do that is within the context of a loving marriage?  

            This is one of the reasons I believe in the mission of and love working at Centro Tepeyac.  The counselors treat one person first: the woman.  They listen to the stories, the history, and affirm them with a positive message that they are not alone, and they have positive alternatives.  On top of counseling, they have a chastity program called “Girl Talk” where young women can get together in groups with one of our counselors and talk about the aspects of what positive love and feminine identity can look like in today’s society.  What has happened though, is that many boyfriends accompany these young women when they come to the center, and often have no one to talk to.  That’s where I come in.  To compliment “Girl Talk,” we implemented a new program called “Guy Talk,” where guys can talk in a safe place about our masculine identity and role and what it can look in the context of dating and sex.

            But I won’t pretend we have all the answers to the questions out there.  What else are our efforts?  What do you think?  Where are we?


Amén.


6 comments:

  1. http://fuckyeahcaitlinmoran.tumblr.com/post/19470951254/a-womans-right-to-choose-caitlin-moran

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    1. To whoever posted this link, I read it, and found the its last paragraph especially interesting: "Nature also, clearly, believes in non-procreative sex: for 27 days a month, sex is non-procreative. Sex after the menopause is non-procreative. Statistically, most sex is non-procreative. Clearly, sex isn’t just for procreation: it’s also for the creation of happiness, or excitement, or contentment. "

      I wrote and responded to the author: "Hey Caitlin, someone posted your article "A Woman's Right to Choose" on my Web site Catholic Fried Rice and I have to say I really liked your last paragraph: It's very true that there are only about three days where a woman can conceive. My question is, then why do we need contraception? Can we just wait it out for those few days or are we simply beings that have to react to our immediate physical urges? My response: "Say Yes To Better Sex" article on my site. God bless! -Matt

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  2. Women who decide to get abortions are not psychological messes as your post would suggest (lack self-esteem, abandonment issues). They are making rational, economic choices based on their current situation and future goals. They are deciding that their well-being and the well-being of their existing or future children, relationships, careers, will be best served by NOT bearing a child at that time. Please do not suggest that anyone who has had an abortion must have daddy issues. I think we can agree as adults to give a woman some agency when considering her actions. To simplify such a complex decision to daddy issues is to imagine that women are not making logical choices for themselves. There's a term for this: gas-lighting.

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    1. Dear friend,

      I think you are right that we cannot simplify someone having abortion must have, as you say, "daddy issues." My apology for making it seem that way. I think my director was really trying to emphasize that majority of this abandonment comes from abandonment of the boyfriend or a man who jets out. When 40% of pregnancies in our country come from unwed single-women, would we not agree as well that men need to step up and be accountable?

      Peace and joy,
      Matt

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  3. Yeah, I don't buy it either. I would say just from my limited experience the number 1 reason in economic. But then again... it's as much of a hunch as your friends at Tepeyac. The second reason I would say is timing. They don't feel they can handle a pregnancy at this time.

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    1. Hey Fray Rick,

      These comments make me realize that the perspective of the quotes from these directors who counsel women could very well be one-sided: they only get to counsel women who have an inkling that an abortion has had a negative impact in their life, and perhaps these quotes only get to represent these women who recognize that. I'm sure there's plenty of women out there who who have had an abortion and don't think it's wrong. With that said, ministries like Rachel's Vineyard for post-abortive women who desire healing is one of the fastest growing ministries in the church as more and more women desire for this wound to be healed. My only proposal is that IF what these directors are saying about these women is true, (lack of self-respect, dignity, abandonment), what are WE doing to help the movement to heal these wounds before they get to that point (premarital sex, abortion, etc.) with the love it needs?

      Peace and joy,
      Matt

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